b:section class='header' id='header' maxwidgets='1' showaddelement='no'

Monday, September 8, 2014

College Prompt Rough

Please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application, or on something about which you would like to say more. You may write about anything—from personal experiences or interests to intellectual pursuits.

“Hello?” 
“Can I talk to your mom?”  Said the utterly noticeable voice of my uncle 
As I gave the phone to my mom I knew something was wrong, my uncle didn't have time to even say he loved me? Her mouth dropped from the moment she got the phone. “Mikayla and Skylar go upstairs now.” Me and my sister Skylar went upstairs,  I began pondering the topics that could of aroused my mother to send us away from christmas dinner, I drew a blank. Trying to ease drop I heard crying, everyone was in tears. My parents told us to just sleep, it was late and we had school. I was so confused at what could of possibly made them so upset. The next day my parents wouldn't even look at me. I went off to schools distracted. That night I got the news.

Christmas day 2008, My cousin cory was cooking christmas breakfast when his friends asked for him to come and pick them up. Abandoning the breakfast and leaving it to my uncle Randall he did. Thats when it happened, He hit a block ice. Unable to control the car he hit a tree. Cory Taylor, Pronounced dead at the scene; December 25, 2008. My cousin was like a big brother to me.
When I lived in Ohio going to visit my family was the best. They had this amazing pool with a basketball hoop on the side and plenty of floats. We always had the best times. Playing with the dog, chester. He has this snake i used to watch him feed it. Tickle fights, hiking in the back and running from their chickens. It was our boding time but now I was 4,439 miles and he was gone. Attending his funeral wasn't an option conserving school and finical but it was the first death I ever went through. I was only 10 and I lost my “brother”. It was the hardest thing I could imagine happening. 

I lost my way. I looked up to him as a role model. Eventually I could dry up my tears and see clearly. It was time to take opportunities. He was 18, A freshman in college. His time was up, all life-fulling opportunities were gone. My cousin meant everything to me. Even today, 6 years later i still cry when i talk about him. Its a very sensitive topic for me. I not only lost my cousin that day,  I lost my since to control my emotions. Ever since I haven't been able to Control my feeling when that subject arouses.  


Now, I take chances when I get the chance. Even if it is scary. I a afraid to miss an opportunity. Life is so fragile, Don’t taint it. It takes an emotional toll on everyone. Live while you can. Take all the chances you get. Never miss an opportunity. Most importantly, shoot for the stars. 

2 comments:

  1. This overall concept was great, and I could tell how much you cared and loved your cousin. I would suggest to proof-read your essay and fix some grammatical errors you had in your essay, and go into further details of the moments you had with Cory! That would create a more heart-felt persona to your essay. Good job, Mikayla! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. AS(1+)YOU NEED TO READ OVER YOUR SENTENCES THERE ARE PARTS WHERE WORDS ARE MISSING OR MISPELLED AND IT CAN GET CONFUSING, SO PLEASE DO THAT. SECONDLY, YOU HAVE SO MANY DIFFERENT IDEAS GOING ON AT ONCE IN SOME PARAGRAPHS THAT IT ENDS UP BEING VERY CONFUSING. "Eventually I could dry up my tears and see clearly. It was time to take opportunities. He was 18, A freshman in college. His time was up, all life-fulling opportunities were gone. My cousin meant everything to me." THIS JUMPS FROM TAKING OPPORTUNITIES BACK TO YOU COUSIN AND THE OPPORTUNITY IDEA IS NOT EXPLAINED. THAT SAME PARAGRAPH ENDS ON NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTROL YOUR FEELINGS, AND THEN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH START ON TAKING CHANCES? IDEAS ARE INCOMPLETE, UNEXPLAINED, OR JUST CONFUSING. SENTENCES ARE VERY WEAK BECAUSE THEY ARE SHORT AND OFTEN HAVE NO PURPOSE. PLEASE SPEND MORE TIME THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO WRITE AND ALSO CONNECTING ALL YOUR IDEAS TOGETHER SO THAT IT READS SMOOTHLY.

    ReplyDelete